It's Not Your Fault

By Sarah Beth Lindberg

The words I heard come out of my dentist's mouth as he explained my X-rays to me. He had no idea how deeply those words would reach into my soul and unlock healing within my heart.

Those words broke the dam inside of me. I can't even explain it. It's as though I had been caged behind those words, always faltering in the shadows of their existence. I whimpered in the dark, stumbling around, trying to find my footing. I desperately wanted to know it wasn't my fault.

All the scenarios started playing back, one by one. Places in my storyline that I had long forgotten began to emerge, revealing the pain left behind in wounds that had never been given the opportunity to heal.

You see, last October, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD. It's a diagnosis I'm still coming to terms with and learning how to understand. I think that for so long, I had gotten really good at surviving. Surviving the next hit, the next storm, the next trial, the next trauma. I kept getting back up, only to get hit again.

So yes, it made sense. Something finally started to make sense and unlock deep within me.

I started to get eyes for me. For the first time in my life, I gave myself full permission to heal, no matter what it takes or how long it takes. I had forgotten that it's okay to simply sit in the healing process.

Isn't that interesting? I lead a ministry that brings healing to so many. It's a charge I wake up every day ready to pursue. I love the opportunity to bring healing and freedom to those who have never experienced it. I will fight every day for it because I know that the freedom God offers us is complete freedom. It's abundant freedom. There is no lack in it.

So here I am, in a current season of giving myself permission to just heal. To not have to completely understand the healing process in order to take the journey. To be okay with not being okay. To move forward in worship even when my heart aches. To be a voice when I would rather remain voiceless.

I'm a big believer that our testimony advances one of two kingdoms. In our silence, we advance the enemy's kingdom, and the darkness grows. But when we choose to step up and become a voice for our experiences, we become part of advancing God's Kingdom purpose on earth.

He uses us to testify from every test. He entrusts us with a message from every mess. But it's our choice to steward it well.

He will never force you to share what has happened to you, and the enemy would love nothing more than for you to remain silent in it. You're no threat to him when you choose to quietly walk in the background.

You may be in a season where you need to heal quietly. Give yourself full permission to do so. But when God invites you to share, do it. Take the opportunity to be a hope dispenser in a world that is desperate for the hope that is within you.

Because something happens when you open your mouth.

The darkness is broken. The atmosphere shifts. Someone finds hope in their own journey because you were brave enough to step up and share.

You see, your testimony was entrusted to you for a great purpose. You may look at it and think, I wish I could just erase this part. Or maybe you want to run so far away from it that you can forget it even exists. But it will still be there. In the recesses of your mind, it will still play.

And God will invite you to share, knowing that your healing is often in the wings of the words you choose to speak.

You are a light in the darkness for someone!

Your story will bring hope to someone who feels hopeless. You are a voice for someone who has no voice. You are priceless! Truly priceless.

And what has happened to you will never make you less than priceless. Your value is not dictated by what you go through or how often you go through it. Your value is found in the One who never changes, who sees you, and who loves you through your darkest days.

How will you be a light in the darkness today?

What part of your testimony is God inviting you to share so that someone else can experience the hope that is within you?

"...Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have..." (1 Peter 3:15)

If you need a little extra support in this season of healing, I invite you to order our booklets and rediscover God's heart for you. It's an investment that will pay off and you are totally worth it! Click here to order your copies.

In God's Grip of Grace,
Sarah

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