My Anxiety Disappeared

The days after dad’s accident were full of anxiety for me.  I had such a difficult time sleeping at night as the second I laid my head down the anxiety would hit me.  That anxiety went through the roof the day I landed in Minneapolis, MN on my way to see my dad.  I was overwhelmed by it and had no idea what I would be walking in to when I saw dad.  The drive from Minneapolis to Saint Cloud felt like forever.  I sat there praying and asking God to calm my fears.  Then we arrived at the hospital.  The walk from the parking garage to dad’s room felt like the longest walk I’ve ever taken.  I tried to stay calm and keep my emotions in check.  I was wondering if my dad would recognize me, would he know who I was, and how would he respond!

All of my anxiety quickly disappeared the moment I received a hug from my dad.  It was the best hug I’ve ever gotten from him.  It was a hug that reassured me everything was going to be okay.  It was the loudest non verbal form of communication I’ve ever received.  My dad held me tight, he rubbed my back, and then put his hand on my head.  Here he was lying in a hospital bed, not able to speak, had not eaten for a week, wasn’t able to get out of bed…  Yet, he was concerned about me.  He hugged me in such a sweet way and I’ll remember that hug for the rest of my life.

Two days after I arrived, I was able to spend some time in the Bible with my Dad.  I gave him his Bible and he pointed out two verses to me.  The first was…

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.”  ~John 11:25-26

Dad was still at a point where he had to hold his eyes open.  It was like he was still sleepy and couldn’t get his body to fully wake up.  Yet, in this sleepy state he pointed out a verse that has meant a lot to him over the years.  He was reminding me who is in control of this whole life thing.  He was doing his best to keep his eyes on Jesus.

The second verse dad pointed out to me was…

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace.  In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”  ~John 16:33

Here is a journal entry I made on this verse just moments after dad pointed it out to me…

Lord, please remind my dad that this peace you offer is his.  You have overcome the world and you will come through for my dad.  I believe that with all my heart.  May your peace be the guard over my heart and protection for my weary soul.  I love you Lord and I continue to entrust my dad to you.  Love, Sarah

The Bible always has a way of breathing life back in to you even in the most awful circumstances.  God’s Word truly is living and active and it can penetrate even through the darkest storms of life.

There are many blessings that I can count as I finally got to fly and see my dad.  Here are just a few…

1.  A friend of the family offered us a home to stay at just 2 miles from the hospital.  It was her grandparent’s home at one time.  It’s like God had set that home aside for us.  It was a huge blessing and made life a lot easier.  In fact, that home is now on the market to be sold.  So glad that God kept it open for us and that He had it be just walking distance from the hospital.

2.  My sister Rachel and her husband Dustin really did their very best to help this temporary home feel like a home away from home.  They brought us anything and everything we needed to feel a little more at home.

3.  My sister gave us a vehicle to drive while we were in Saint Cloud.

4.  My husband was able to come and be with me that first week.  He was able to watch Zion while I spent time going back and forth to the hospital.

5.  My aunt Susan was able to come and stay with us.  She was a source of encouragement to us.  And a tremendous blessing!  So glad to have this sweet time with her.

6.  The ladies from my Sunday School class, numerous friends, and family members kept in contact with me throughout this time.  They were my sounding board when I was falling apart.  They kept praying for me and it’s their prayers that kept me going.

7.  I was able to be dad’s voice when the doctors came to visit him.

8.  The number of times that family and friends stopped in at just the right time, so that I could take a little breather.

Dear Father God, I continue to celebrate who You are through this.  You are so faithful!  I can’t say that any part of this has been easy, but I can say that every part of it has taught me something new.  Thank you for walking me through this.  Thank you for never letting go!  Thank you for your unfailing love and for giving me the strength to walk through these difficult days!  

Counting my Blessings,