Do you trust me?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9

I read this above paragraph on a very difficult day.  God knew that my heart was heavy and that I needed a breath of fresh air.  This was the day that my dad found out he was going to have to have a feeding tube put in.  At this point, it had been over two weeks since he had eaten.  They first tried the picc line because it was less invasive and they had hoped dad could build his strength up with this.  Unfortunately, dad did not make enough progress.  He just wasn’t able to get his swallow to work the way that it needed to.  I remember dad’s brokenness this day as he responded to his need for the feeding tube.  I watched tears flow from his eyes.  It was so hard to see my dad broken.

The next day I had to go to a court hearing on my dad’s behalf in Brainerd.  My sisters met me there and we took on the responsibility of becoming dad’s guardian and conservator.  We are blessed that the judge quickly granted our petition and even gave his regards to the situation at hand.  As soon as this was over, I headed back to Saint Cloud to be with my dad for his surgery to get the feeding tube in.  I made it just in time to hold his hand before he was wheeled off to surgery.  I held his hand while he cried knowing what was about to happen.  I cried right along with him.  It was so hard to see him hurting.  My heart just ached for him.  I wanted to make everything better but all I could do is just sit and cry with him.  I didn’t even have the strength to say anything.

But I learned that the greatest thing I could do was just be there with my dad.  There were no words!  I couldn’t make it better.  My words would have just failed me.  I had to trust God to take care of my dad.

In fact, that’s the question I kept hearing from God…  “Do you trust me?”  I wrestled with this a lot.  I wanted to trust God but the circumstances made it difficult for me to do so.  But that’s because I had my eyes on the circumstances and not on God.  I can’t trust circumstances.  They are unreliable.  But God is steady and He is more than reliable.  I went to the Word that day seeking to trust God.  I wanted to hand this over to Him and trust Him with the details.  The outcome of my time in the Word is here in a note from my journal…

“Do you trust me?”  This is the question I hear the Lord asking me right now.  I came to Minnesota ready to stay as long as I needed to.  But I’m seeing that I can’t keep my life on an indefinite pause.  My dad would not want me to do that.  He would want me to trust God.

Lord, I know that you are Jehovah Rapha, my healer.  My dad’s great physician.  I know your hands can heal him and restore him completely.  I know that you have a plan and a purpose through all of this and I can trust you!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  ~Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB)

Lord, I place my trust in you!  Please help me to not lean on my own understanding, but to acknowledge you and trust that you will make my paths straight.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”  ~Isaiah 26:3

Lord, please provide your perfect peace for my heart.  May my mind stay steadfast on Your promises and my eyes fixed on your truth.  I pray that I will live out this current difficult time by trusting in you and your unfailing love.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD and whose trust is the LORD.  For he will be like a tree planted by the water…”  ~Jeremiah 17:7-8

Lord, I place my trust in you.  I want to be this tree planted by the water bearing fruit for you!  You are my Rock, I will not be shaken!

“It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.”  ~Psalm 118:8

Lord, I place my trust in You.  Not the doctors, not the nurse, not my dad, and not the current circumstances.  I place all my trust in you!  For only you have the ability to never fail me!

My blessings through this experience are…

1.  The judge quickly granting our request.  This allowed my sister Rachel to have access to dad’s finances and pay his bills.  This also allowed me to be dad’s voice until he was able to speak for himself with the doctors.

2.  Dad’s sister Susan was able to stay with him while we went to the hearing.

3.  The surgery for the feeding tube went well.

4.  I was able to make it back in time for the surgery.

5.  Extra time in the word learning what it means to truly trust in the Lord!

6.  Dad was accepted in to the physical therapy program at Saint Cloud Hospital.  This was considered the best among our options!

Dear Father God, Thank you for giving me the time that I so desperately needed in the Word.  Thank you for reminding me that I can always trust you!  There is nothing to big for you and nothing that you cannot do!  You are God!  You are faithful!  You are my rock, my strong fortress, and my refuge.  Thank you for being everything I could possibly need!

Counting my Blessings,