He sees you

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Mother’s day. (sigh)

Wait, sweet friend, before you scroll, swipe, or click away. I have a couple of questions for you.

Is this day a painful reminder of what you’ve lost?

Do you feel hopeless, forgotten, invisible, or abandoned?

Do you know, you’re not the only one who feels this way? I promise you are not alone.

I know, for many, Mothers day is full of celebration, honor, hope, and much JOY. If you’re in that season, I am rejoicing with you! On the contrary, if you answered yes to the previous questions and what you are feeling is a sense of dread, hopelessness, loss, fear, abandonment, anger, and grief, I grieve with you.

There’s a myriad of scenarios and life stages that have the potential to make this Mother’s day bittersweet for you, if not just bitter entirely. You see, Mothers day hasn’t always held joy for me. For many years all I felt was the pain.  

I recall getting ready for church on Mother’s day every year and having to push beyond the tears to even walk through the doors. I swore if Pastor spoke one more time about Hannah I would drop kick him. (very Christian of me, I know!)

Year after year, the same scene would play out. I’d sit there in service feeling as though a spotlight of heat was on me and everyone saw my pain and pitied me.

I feared their questions. Did they wonder what was wrong with me or what I had done that God hadn’t given me a child yet? I always wished I could just crawl in some hole for the day or find a greater reason to stay home entirely. (as if all of that wasn’t reason enough)

I wondered often if God could even hear me, see me, and did he really know what was best or was I being punished? I wanted desperately to be seen by God yet I only felt naked to the world. How is it that one can feel naked and invisible at the same time?

To the enemy, your pain is an easy target. He aims to hit you where it hurts.  For me, every pregnant woman was an opportunity that the enemy used to remind me of how inadequate I must be, how undeserving, and how defective I was. 

Was I invisible to God? This was the question that burned deeply through pain, searing it to my soul. Having given into the enemies lies, his words became my own. Muttering them under my breath, thoughts of them would run rampant through my days and I became what I believed.

I found myself so broken, wounded at my own hand and my fractured soul hurt those around me.

Maybe you’ve never walked through the deep waters of loss, infertility or grief. Perhaps you only recognize my words by the way someone else has treated you. Then there are others of you and this is partially your story. Maybe you are thinking about how I must have read your mail!

If you find yourself on the “waiting” side of life, I’ve been there and friend, I hope you can believe me when I say it won’t always be unclear. One day you’ll be looking back too. 

When I look back over all the pain of what I felt were wasted years, I see things so differently. Now glancing at the entrusted story of my life through his eyes, I recognize where he carried me and understand how it shaped me. I can see how all the pain made preparation for my breakthroughs and are now area’s of strength.

I’ve heard it said something like this…

Our area of greatest weakness is actually our area of greatest strength and influence, still in process. 

Thank you JESUS!

I understand now His name, El Roi, “The God who sees me”.  I come to you today to share His hope. He sees YOU!  It’s in his name, his nature, and who he is. 

So I’ve come to know and understand that when I feel the most alone in my grief, God is there and holds every single moment. El Roi, He sees ME! His hands, wet with my tears, lifts my chin and tells me who I am. He tells me that I am worthy, chosen, whole, beautiful, loved and restored! God has broken through the hurt and erased the words carved by pain.

Those who sow their tears as seeds

will reap a harvest with joyful shouts of glee. Psalm 126:5 (TPT)

Have you sown your tears as seeds? Or have your tears merely made the ground wet and your feet muddy?

The only place your tears can be sown as seeds is at the feet of Jesus. Will you come with me there?

I’d love for you to pray this prayer with me.

Father God,

Thank you for always seeing me. For catching every single tear that falls from my face. Thank you for knowing what my heart needs most, this is you. Father, forgive me when I’ve questioned your love because you had me wait or your answer was no. Grant me the desires of my heart as you’ve given them to me. In asking, I trust your timing, your plan and your purpose in it all. Through my pain I will praise you, in each sorrow I’ll lift up your name. For you alone are my refuge and my strength. You are my reward. Amen

I believe this video will encourage your heart this Mother’s day.

https://youtu.be/sz81dIfwf4Y

There Are Still Days

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There are still days that I have to fight. “Against what?” you ask. Some days against the enemy and some days against myself. Some days I am my own worst enemy. Some days life throws things my way like a bill that shows up that should have been paid or someone you know with a less than great attitude. Let’s face it, sometimes life isn’t what we want it to be. Sometimes I have to fight against myself and my thinking. What am I choosing to think about? Where are my thoughts taking me? Is what I’m thinking the truth or a lie? 

There are always going to be those days. The Bible says in John 16 verse 33 (NLT) that “In this world we will have trouble”. In the New King James version, it says tribulation rather than trouble. The word “tribulation” means “a cause or state of great trouble or suffering”.  In other words; suffering, hardship, tragedy, sorrow, pain, misery, unhappiness, anguish, grief, and heartache. In verse 33 He says “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. Then also tells us that we should “be of good cheer, because he overcame the world. 

That seems like a tall order when I’m looking at everything going on around me. We can expect to have problems in this life, but we CAN also EXPECT to have Peace. How do we get this “Peace” you ask? It’s only when I get MY Focus off my problems and PUT (intentionally-on purpose) MY FOCUS on Jesus that I find Peace. We can only truly have Peace when we spend time with Jesus. We do this by reading His Word and by just talking to him. Getting in a quiet place and making a choice to stop thinking about what’s going on and start thinking about Jesus, everything He is and everything He has done. Peace doesn’t come on the outside as much as it is an inside, heart (spirit) issue. 

You may be thinking, “You don’t understand, you don’t know what they’ve done, I bet it’s easy for you to say because you haven’t gone through it”. You are right on all those accounts, but I do know the one who does. The Bible says (Hebrews 2:17-18) that He was made like us, He suffered and was tempted. By this, He then is able to be merciful to us and help us when we are in trouble. He also says that He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

What it comes down to is my fight of faith. Do I believe what His Word says? Am I thinking and doing what He says? Am I taking my thoughts captive and putting them under the microscope of the Word? Am I then making the correction? Am I fighting to keep Him first place in my life? Am I going to choose to believe what He says about me or am I going to believe what others say? Am I going to choose to believe that I can rather than I can’t?

Dear one, my prayer is that you will continue the fight with me. Fight to hold on to our faith in Him and everything He has done. That you will fight to keep our focus on Him. That we will be intentional in our pursuit of Him. That we will choose to believe who He says we are and what He says we can do and have. Don’t ever stop fighting the good fight of faith and holding tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you (1 Tim. 6:12). There’s so much more and He has such a great plan for your life. Fight for it!

In the Boat

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When He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. 24 And suddenly a violent storm arose on the sea, so that the boat was being covered by the waves; but Jesus was sleeping. 25 And the disciples went and woke Him, saying, “Lord, save us, we are going to die!” 26 He said to them, “Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was [at once] a great and wonderful calm [a perfect peacefulness]. Matthew 8:23-26

It was Sunday morning, my first service back to church since my hysterectomy 2 weeks prior. Issues from a long battle with endometriosis led me to that end, but I’ll share more about that another time. {wink}

After service, as a family, we discuss what was spoken about in our classes and in our worship services. It’s always a fun time to look through the kid’s crafts and read over their papers from the week and share with them what we learned in “big church” and how God spoke to our hearts and into our lives. Each of them had talked about the account from the above text in Matthew 8. When Jesus was knocked out during a storm with His disciples. (This blog post’s picture is the crafts that they made.)

We talked about how sometimes it can be so scary when it is storming here and how they can violently wake us up while we are lying still, cozy and comfy in our beds!! And how there no waves or water we have to deal with, but how even in the midst, that it didn’t faze our Lord, because after-all He created it. He is in charge and all-powerful. We continued sharing about what a blessing it is to never have to be scared of anything and even if there are scary things going on around us- we don’t have to be afraid- because in the boat of life, Jesus is always in it with us.

Well, I didn’t think much of it after that, and was thankful for the truth but not clinging onto it for any particular reason.

The next day, I was having some small complications from the surgery but nothing serious so I called the doctor on call to ask her about it (because of course this happened on a holiday). I had stood a little more that Sunday with it being New Year’s and all. So I thought maybe that was what was causing some of the issues. The doctor told me to stay off my feet and rest and as the evening came I decided to finish setting up my prayer closet and after I got finished I prayed and spent some time with the Lord and boy, it was so sweet.  But as I got up I felt something and to my surprise things had worsened… I told my husband and decided to call the doctor again. Within about 15 minutes I headed up stairs to only find that it had intensified to the point where it was alarming. The doctor gave me a solution to see if we could deal with it, but in the next hour we were headed to the ER.

On the way, we contacted our family, friends and church family asking them to start praying. Immediately what came to mind was that Jesus was right there with me- HE was in the boat with me. I couldn’t do a thing but cling to that fact. What was happening to me could have severe consequences, but I didn’t have to fear because I wasn’t alone. So through tears, I just kept repeating to myself, Jesus, You’re in the boat. Jesus, You control the winds and the waves of what is happening. Jesus, You can make it stop at any time. Jesus, because You’re with me I don’t have to be afraid.

There are times in life when we can choose to panic and fear or trust that Jesus is in the boat and experience the peace that only He can bring. Will it be terrifying? It could be. Was I concerned? YES!!!! But did I have peace? Whew, like you wouldn’t believe. Because I was clinging to the fact that He was in the boat and it changed my focus. After all, I’m His daughter, He’s my Abba-Father and because of that even in a situation like this, I couldn’t be in better hands.

Do I always do that? Respond with this confident faith? No, but I’m learning to trust this truth.

I’m not sure what you may be facing in life today or in this season of your life, but can I encourage you that Jesus is in the boat with you? He doesn’t want you to be worried, afraid, fretful, fearful, but completely at peace, full of faith, resting totally in Him no matter what may be going on around you because at any point He can stop it with just a word. He doesn’t always choose to though because He knows the good that is going to work in and through it, and praise the Lord that He’s able to work all things together for our good, hallelujah?!

Praise the Lord, this surgery complication happens sometimes and for many different reasons. And recovery has been much smoother since then, but boy was it a nerve wrecking. Maybe it was just so I could write pen these words and encourage you that He’s in the boat with us. That He’s never left you or me alone and that His love, His hope, His peace is undeniably ours.

Lord, for those reading this today, may this truth sink deep into their hearts, as I ask for You to help it sink into my own. May we be people of faith that trust whole-heartedly that no matter what– You are in the boat right beside us– no matter what we’re facing. And even if it seems like You’re asleep, unaware of what we are facing. I pray that you will help us to confess for doubting Your presence and Your Word and trust that You are with us in ways we won’t be able to fully comprehend until we are with You and we are like You in eternity. Help us, Lord, to fully know that just like you did with your disciples, you can do with us and in a moment bring peace that passes all understanding even amidst the crazy, scary, or unexplainable to us. I pray all of this in the Name of Jesus, Amen.

Because of Christ and His Love,

Never Regretted

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I love this reminder in James 1:5.  I lack wisdom in quite a few areas.  Thankfully, God’s Word provides every bit of wisdom I could ever need.  Lately, I’m learning how invaluable my time is in the Word. Being a mom of two little boys makes it tough some days to get in as much time as I would like to. I find that I have to get up early before the sun is even rising to get in a good amount of time with the Lord.

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Finding Wisdom in God’s Word

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If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  (James 1:5)

Read James 1

This week,I want to talk about finding wisdom in the Word and the importance of believing the Word of God is for you.  There’s no room for doubt or condemnation when it comes to God’s Word.  We need to believe that every word in the Bible is there for a purpose.  We need to believe that God’s Word is for us!

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